The World is Upside Down

This blog is supposed to be about lovely Rita, but maybe something about my experience of learning to live without her is relevant.

People are being very sympathetic and supportive, for which I'm grateful. Some of them ask how I'm doing, but the question befuddles me. I hardly know from minute to minute how I’m doing. Last night I cried myself to sleep at 2 am, but this beautiful morning, as I was fascinated by the rabbits who live in the bushes on campus, not a sad thought troubled my mind.

Last night, Peg and I spoke by phone. She said that every once in a while, she has this sensation that she’s living in a nightmare. I feel exactly the same way. During the week, as I go about my normal Pullman-based activities, I will fall into the sensation that everything is normal.

And then the world turns upside down.

I remember that Mom is no longer in Asotin. I’m not going to see her on Friday. I’m not going to do the TGIF happy dance with her in the kitchen. We’re not going to relax together in front of the TV and newspaper, then go to a movie or maybe on an excursion or maybe work in the yard together. I won’t be enjoying her warmth and her sparkle this weekend. That's all in the past. She's gone.

The world is upside down.