Postmaster
Asotin, WA 99402
June 27, 2008
Hi, Darryl and Sandy—
Well, an era is coming to an end. I’m going to let Mom’s post office box lease lapse at the end of this month. Someone else can take over the notable address of P.O. Box 52, Asotin, WA 99402 that she held for almost 40 years. I’m nostalgic and sad about the change, even though I know it happens all the time.
So I’m enclosing the two keys I’ve found. I’m sure no more will turn up, but if they do, I will return them to you.
I’m also enclosing the mail forwarding notice. I will take care of her correspondence. I know that a package has been waiting for pickup, too, but the one recent Saturday I was in town turned out to be so busy that I missed the opportunity to pick it up. I hope that it will be forwarded, too.
Thanks for everything you’ve done for Mom over the years and for your great friendliness. We all miss her, I know.
Charmaine Wellington, Rita Williams’ daughter
Friday, June 27, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Now the Hard Part Begins
All of the events traditionally associated with the demise of a loved one have come to an end. We had the funeral and family visitations two weekends ago. This weekend Mom's ashes were interred in her father's grave, section 14 of the Normal Hill Cemetery in Lewiston, and the "Celebration of Rita's Life" was attended by many friends and family.
All the hubbub, organizing and renewing of contacts with family is over. The hard part is beginning: learning to live without her.
On Friday, Bill, Peg and I gathered at Grandpa and Grandma Van Dyk's graves, where we had arranged for Mom's ashes to be interred, according to her wishes. Mom had said that she didn't want a ceremony, so we didn't line up any religious service. It was just us three.
I knew that I wanted something special to be done or said. I thought about Mom, my memories of her. It was while I was driving across the swollen Snake River, which is still so high after the heavy snowfall this winter, that I realized what I wanted to do. I recalled our family trips to Portland or Seattle that took us across the Columbia River. From long as I can remember, every time we drove over the Columbia river, Mom would launch into an enthusiastic but somewhat tuneless rendition of "Oh, Columbia, gem of the ocean." (It didn't matter to her that the song was originally about a ship, not the river.) She would get as far as the second line, "The home of the free and the brave," and then she would falter over the words but continue the melody, "la la la, la la laa la la laaa-a."
I realized that I wanted to lay Mom's remains to rest to that song, this time with the COMPLETE lyrics of the first verse.
I found printed out the lyrics, downloaded an audio file of the piano accompaniment onto my laptop, and took them to the graveside at the designated time. There, Peg, Bill and I, accompanied by an MP3 file played on my computer, serenaded her along that river as she merged with the great, unknowable sea.
Care to sing along?
Oh, Columbia, gem of the ocean
The home of the brave and the free
The shrine to each patriot's devotion
A world offers homage to thee
Thy mandates make heroes assemble
When liberty's form stands in view
Thy banners make tyranny tremble
When borne by the red, white and blue
When borne by the red, white and blue
When borne by the red, white and blue
Thy banners make tyranny tremble
When borne by the red, white and blue
Full lyrics and an MP3 audio file are at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbia,_Gem_of_the_Ocean
All the hubbub, organizing and renewing of contacts with family is over. The hard part is beginning: learning to live without her.
On Friday, Bill, Peg and I gathered at Grandpa and Grandma Van Dyk's graves, where we had arranged for Mom's ashes to be interred, according to her wishes. Mom had said that she didn't want a ceremony, so we didn't line up any religious service. It was just us three.
I knew that I wanted something special to be done or said. I thought about Mom, my memories of her. It was while I was driving across the swollen Snake River, which is still so high after the heavy snowfall this winter, that I realized what I wanted to do. I recalled our family trips to Portland or Seattle that took us across the Columbia River. From long as I can remember, every time we drove over the Columbia river, Mom would launch into an enthusiastic but somewhat tuneless rendition of "Oh, Columbia, gem of the ocean." (It didn't matter to her that the song was originally about a ship, not the river.) She would get as far as the second line, "The home of the free and the brave," and then she would falter over the words but continue the melody, "la la la, la la laa la la laaa-a."
I realized that I wanted to lay Mom's remains to rest to that song, this time with the COMPLETE lyrics of the first verse.
I found printed out the lyrics, downloaded an audio file of the piano accompaniment onto my laptop, and took them to the graveside at the designated time. There, Peg, Bill and I, accompanied by an MP3 file played on my computer, serenaded her along that river as she merged with the great, unknowable sea.
Care to sing along?
Oh, Columbia, gem of the ocean
The home of the brave and the free
The shrine to each patriot's devotion
A world offers homage to thee
Thy mandates make heroes assemble
When liberty's form stands in view
Thy banners make tyranny tremble
When borne by the red, white and blue
When borne by the red, white and blue
When borne by the red, white and blue
Thy banners make tyranny tremble
When borne by the red, white and blue
Full lyrics and an MP3 audio file are at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbia,_Gem_of_the_Ocean
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Bill's eulogy at Mom's funeral Mass
I posted Chris Van Dyk's lovely poem in eulogy of mom a few days ago. And I also want to post Bill's and Michelle's, which were written out beforehand. (It would be great if the extemporaneous speakers could reconstruct their eulogies and post them, too.)
Here's Bill's:
So, Father Tom says we have 15 minutes total, and I have 4 minutes. If I run over, please, next person, cut your time. The last thing I need is to have a priest of God mad at me.
My old boss told me that you always need to start with the most important things first because people stop listening very fast. Because of that, I wanted to make sure that we recognize some people. First of all, my sister, Charmaine. She was Rita's friend, daughter, travel partner, movie partner, buffet buddy, and right hand for the last several years. And if it weren't for Charmaine , we would have had these ceremonies several years ago. Chamaine did a fantastic job making sure Mom had great fun, lots of friend to see and a full life.
Second, my other sister, Peg. Peg and Charm traded off or tag-teamed, and they did crazy things with Mom, like camping when she was at age 85. Peg opened her house to Mom and all of us at all times.
Third, and not in any order of importance, the Williams family. Mom really didn't come into her own until Grandpa Jim came into her life. There's a marketing slogan that says life begins at 50, but with Mom, life began when she met Jim.
The Van Dyke families: I want to say with all your dang kids, grandkids, weddings, etc .we didn't see a lot of Mom some years, because she was so busy supporting the good Catholic families that you were.
I was proud to be Mother's son, and to be honest--and my sisters will attest to this--I was Rita's favorite son.
I was also sad when Mom started to experience issues relating to cancer, its treatment and her age. But when I reflect back on all the things she did and all the ways she acted, and as I watch the constant entourage of family and friends who have sent cards or visited, I realize that she had 88 amazing years. She did Bloomsday when she was 87, she has been camping at Priest Lake for the last 12 years, she visited Hawai'i four months ago. And now she's fishing every day, with Jim baiting her hook, and no license is required.
I was very, very sad to see my Mom pass and very sad to see her life and energy fade. But what I took away from it, and certainly invite you to share, was her joy, her non-judgmental love, and her love and care for others.
My mom was never one to amass material things, yet she did a great job trying to help us when we wanted to exercise a dream.
To me Rita's character was summed up when my sisters and I were at Mom's bedside in Hospice House. Charmaine showed us a video that to me outlined wonderfully what my mom was about. It was a 30-second video taken on Charm's cell phone. In the background, you can hear my sister prompt Mom. My Mom starts out, "Hi, Bill. I am doing fine. I started chemo, and it's going well. Peg and Charm are taking good care of me." In the background, you can hear Charm whisper, "You have 17 more seconds." You can see mom try to conjure up the next most important concern she has. She then blurts out, "Oh! When I was doing the wash, I found your other sock. I will mail it to you."
God bless Rita Williams.
Here's Bill's:
So, Father Tom says we have 15 minutes total, and I have 4 minutes. If I run over, please, next person, cut your time. The last thing I need is to have a priest of God mad at me.
My old boss told me that you always need to start with the most important things first because people stop listening very fast. Because of that, I wanted to make sure that we recognize some people. First of all, my sister, Charmaine. She was Rita's friend, daughter, travel partner, movie partner, buffet buddy, and right hand for the last several years. And if it weren't for Charmaine , we would have had these ceremonies several years ago. Chamaine did a fantastic job making sure Mom had great fun, lots of friend to see and a full life.
Second, my other sister, Peg. Peg and Charm traded off or tag-teamed, and they did crazy things with Mom, like camping when she was at age 85. Peg opened her house to Mom and all of us at all times.
Third, and not in any order of importance, the Williams family. Mom really didn't come into her own until Grandpa Jim came into her life. There's a marketing slogan that says life begins at 50, but with Mom, life began when she met Jim.
The Van Dyke families: I want to say with all your dang kids, grandkids, weddings, etc .we didn't see a lot of Mom some years, because she was so busy supporting the good Catholic families that you were.
I was proud to be Mother's son, and to be honest--and my sisters will attest to this--I was Rita's favorite son.
I was also sad when Mom started to experience issues relating to cancer, its treatment and her age. But when I reflect back on all the things she did and all the ways she acted, and as I watch the constant entourage of family and friends who have sent cards or visited, I realize that she had 88 amazing years. She did Bloomsday when she was 87, she has been camping at Priest Lake for the last 12 years, she visited Hawai'i four months ago. And now she's fishing every day, with Jim baiting her hook, and no license is required.
I was very, very sad to see my Mom pass and very sad to see her life and energy fade. But what I took away from it, and certainly invite you to share, was her joy, her non-judgmental love, and her love and care for others.
My mom was never one to amass material things, yet she did a great job trying to help us when we wanted to exercise a dream.
To me Rita's character was summed up when my sisters and I were at Mom's bedside in Hospice House. Charmaine showed us a video that to me outlined wonderfully what my mom was about. It was a 30-second video taken on Charm's cell phone. In the background, you can hear my sister prompt Mom. My Mom starts out, "Hi, Bill. I am doing fine. I started chemo, and it's going well. Peg and Charm are taking good care of me." In the background, you can hear Charm whisper, "You have 17 more seconds." You can see mom try to conjure up the next most important concern she has. She then blurts out, "Oh! When I was doing the wash, I found your other sock. I will mail it to you."
God bless Rita Williams.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Rita E. Williams: A Celebration of her Life
Saturday, June 7
1:00 pm to whenever
Her house in Asotin (First and Adams)
1:00 pm to whenever
Her house in Asotin (First and Adams)
Come one, come all!
Please come by, meet Rita's other friends, share some food and, most importantly, share your stories about
our dear mother, a.k.a. Ritababe!
The World is Upside Down
This blog is supposed to be about lovely Rita, but maybe something about my experience of learning to live without her is relevant.
People are being very sympathetic and supportive, for which I'm grateful. Some of them ask how I'm doing, but the question befuddles me. I hardly know from minute to minute how I’m doing. Last night I cried myself to sleep at 2 am, but this beautiful morning, as I was fascinated by the rabbits who live in the bushes on campus, not a sad thought troubled my mind.
Last night, Peg and I spoke by phone. She said that every once in a while, she has this sensation that she’s living in a nightmare. I feel exactly the same way. During the week, as I go about my normal Pullman-based activities, I will fall into the sensation that everything is normal.
And then the world turns upside down.
I remember that Mom is no longer in Asotin. I’m not going to see her on Friday. I’m not going to do the TGIF happy dance with her in the kitchen. We’re not going to relax together in front of the TV and newspaper, then go to a movie or maybe on an excursion or maybe work in the yard together. I won’t be enjoying her warmth and her sparkle this weekend. That's all in the past. She's gone.
The world is upside down.
People are being very sympathetic and supportive, for which I'm grateful. Some of them ask how I'm doing, but the question befuddles me. I hardly know from minute to minute how I’m doing. Last night I cried myself to sleep at 2 am, but this beautiful morning, as I was fascinated by the rabbits who live in the bushes on campus, not a sad thought troubled my mind.
Last night, Peg and I spoke by phone. She said that every once in a while, she has this sensation that she’s living in a nightmare. I feel exactly the same way. During the week, as I go about my normal Pullman-based activities, I will fall into the sensation that everything is normal.
And then the world turns upside down.
I remember that Mom is no longer in Asotin. I’m not going to see her on Friday. I’m not going to do the TGIF happy dance with her in the kitchen. We’re not going to relax together in front of the TV and newspaper, then go to a movie or maybe on an excursion or maybe work in the yard together. I won’t be enjoying her warmth and her sparkle this weekend. That's all in the past. She's gone.
The world is upside down.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Chris Van Dyk's poem about his Aunt Rita
Chris Van Dyk composed this beautiful eulogy and read it at the funeral:
For Rita Williams, and My Cousins
You towered six feet, though I’ve never been taller.
I suppose my head might have reached your knees,
When you first swept me up, and I became somebody
So important.
You were my Great Aunt and I was your nephew.
I was the one whom you made matter.
Thank you, Auntie Rita. Though you are still now,
You still tower six feet;
Though my world is smaller, lay not gently.
Spin your Volkswagen down heaven’s grade
And keep me, as before, cheered and mighty,
Cheered and able,
Grateful, asleep, protected
Rocking to and fro on your backseat,
The rivers, the city lights,
A glimmer through the dark hills falling below.
Chris Van Dyk, your nephew
For Rita Williams, and My Cousins
You towered six feet, though I’ve never been taller.
I suppose my head might have reached your knees,
When you first swept me up, and I became somebody
So important.
You were my Great Aunt and I was your nephew.
I was the one whom you made matter.
Thank you, Auntie Rita. Though you are still now,
You still tower six feet;
Though my world is smaller, lay not gently.
Spin your Volkswagen down heaven’s grade
And keep me, as before, cheered and mighty,
Cheered and able,
Grateful, asleep, protected
Rocking to and fro on your backseat,
The rivers, the city lights,
A glimmer through the dark hills falling below.
Chris Van Dyk, your nephew
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Mom's Obit
Mom's obituary appeared today in the Lewiston Morning Tribune. You can see it online at:
http://www.lmtribune.com/obituaries
It's definitely worth looking at because of the cute picture of her in her army uniform. She looks fresh, alive, and ready to tackle the world.
The print copy, in addition to this image, also has a portrait taken recently, but for some reason that image isn't included in the online version. :-(
http://www.lmtribune.com/obituaries
It's definitely worth looking at because of the cute picture of her in her army uniform. She looks fresh, alive, and ready to tackle the world.
The print copy, in addition to this image, also has a portrait taken recently, but for some reason that image isn't included in the online version. :-(
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Please join us for memorial events
There will be memorial events on TWO weekends (due to schedule conflicts, of course), one this weekend and another on Saturday, June 7.
The sacred:
This coming weekend, we have arranged for services at Holy Family Catholic Church in Clarkston (corner of 11th St. and Chestnut).
And the secular:
On Saturday, June 7, we will have a "Celebration of Rita's Life" at the Asotin house. This will begin at about 1:00 pm and continue until the party runs out of steam. Peg, Bill and I are hoping to have mementos of Mom on display at this second party--we know we won't be able to get them together in time for this Saturday--and you are welcome to bring yours.
All family and friends of Rita are invited to one or both of these events. We would really love to have you come and share your memories and tall tales about our tall Mom.
If you would care to make a donation in Rita's name, that would be lovely. Peg, Bill and I suggest the Hospice organization in Clarkston. Send it to: Tri-State Hospital Hospice, P.O. Box 636, Clarkston, WA 99403
The sacred:
This coming weekend, we have arranged for services at Holy Family Catholic Church in Clarkston (corner of 11th St. and Chestnut).
- Rosary, Friday May 23, 7 pm
- Funeral Mass, Saturday, May 24, 10 am
And the secular:
On Saturday, June 7, we will have a "Celebration of Rita's Life" at the Asotin house. This will begin at about 1:00 pm and continue until the party runs out of steam. Peg, Bill and I are hoping to have mementos of Mom on display at this second party--we know we won't be able to get them together in time for this Saturday--and you are welcome to bring yours.
All family and friends of Rita are invited to one or both of these events. We would really love to have you come and share your memories and tall tales about our tall Mom.
If you would care to make a donation in Rita's name, that would be lovely. Peg, Bill and I suggest the Hospice organization in Clarkston. Send it to: Tri-State Hospital Hospice, P.O. Box 636, Clarkston, WA 99403
Monday, May 19, 2008
Looking back
Looking over my collection of videos and pictures of Mom, I found this short video made on my cell phone.
Mom and I are at the Country Buffet. It's a message to Bill, who had visited her in Asotin earlier in the week.
I shot this video on the Saturday before her first chemotherapy appointment. She and I were to drive up to Spokane the next day, and the day after that, Peg and I would take her to her first infusion session. She was anxious about the chemo, wondering what it would be like.
When I found the video, I was in Mom's Hospice House room with Peg and Bill. I showed it to both of them, and they immediately recognized it as a wonderful example of Mom's great character. If something mattered to one of her children, like a lost sock for example, it mattered to her. Even anticipating her own chemotherapy didn't obliterate her children's concerns from her mind.
What a great woman she was! Enjoy, and I hope you can hear the audio.
Mom and I are at the Country Buffet. It's a message to Bill, who had visited her in Asotin earlier in the week.
I shot this video on the Saturday before her first chemotherapy appointment. She and I were to drive up to Spokane the next day, and the day after that, Peg and I would take her to her first infusion session. She was anxious about the chemo, wondering what it would be like.
When I found the video, I was in Mom's Hospice House room with Peg and Bill. I showed it to both of them, and they immediately recognized it as a wonderful example of Mom's great character. If something mattered to one of her children, like a lost sock for example, it mattered to her. Even anticipating her own chemotherapy didn't obliterate her children's concerns from her mind.
What a great woman she was! Enjoy, and I hope you can hear the audio.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Sad News
Our beloved mother, Rita Eileen Williams, passed away last night at about 11:30. She was surrounded by her chidren and in the compassionate care of the Spokane Hospice House staff.
May she rest in peace.
Arrangements are being made for a rosary and funeral mass to be held at Holy Family Catholic Church in Clarkston, WA and for a celebration of Rita's life to be held at her home in Asotin, WA. The dates and times of these events have not yet been finalized, but we are hoping to be able to schedule them for a Saturday sometime in the near future to accommodate out-of-town family.
May she rest in peace.
Arrangements are being made for a rosary and funeral mass to be held at Holy Family Catholic Church in Clarkston, WA and for a celebration of Rita's life to be held at her home in Asotin, WA. The dates and times of these events have not yet been finalized, but we are hoping to be able to schedule them for a Saturday sometime in the near future to accommodate out-of-town family.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
3 pm Saturday the 17th. The vigil continues.
View from the Serenity Room at the Hospice House
Three weeks ago today, Mom was admitted to Sacred Heart Medical Center with a fever and very low white blood cell count. One week ago today, she seemed to be rebounding, and the doctor was talking about a possible release date. Today, she continues to be in the near-death coma that began last Monday.
At several points this week, death has seemed imminent. Yesterday evening, the suspense seemed to reach a climax. Her breathing began to change again. The hospice workers said that signs suggested it might be in the next few hours or perhaps even minutes, although they always remind us that each individual is different.
Peg, Bill and I, sharing our grief, all spent the night in her hospice room. None of us wanted to be at Peg's home in bed when our dear mother drew her last breath.
Today, she inhales and exhales, and her rapid pulse continues to flutter under the fragile skin of her neck. The body can be tenacious of life, even after the essence, the individuality has all but evaporated.
Only very gradually, and in waves, I realize that she and I won't be making new memories, teaching me the meaning of the word "heartsick." My mother's amazing friendship will continue to sustain me, I know, but only as I treasure the memories we've made. Maybe consolation will come in telling stories of her, as Peg, Bill and I have been doing, especially last night at her bedside.
Right now, even though we know she isn't suffering, we all are wishing she could let go. "Go to those Pearly Gates, Rita. Jim is already in the van with the motor running and is waiting for you to go fishing. Go on now. We'll miss you tremendously, but we will be OK. Go on now."
She is getting the death she wanted--a dignified one. She hasn't endured a long internment in a nursing home. She was active and engaged with life up to the previous few weeks.
But these three weeks have been an eternity. That slow ole' specter death, he is a long, long time a-comin'.
Friday, May 16, 2008
My mom's HEART
Friday, May 16, 2008
She's all Heart
Yesterday I met the Medical Director of the Hospice House, Dr. Soffe. He seemed to be a very kind, compassionate man and I felt very comfortable with him. He wanted to know about our mom- not just about the "patient". I told him what an amazing woman, nurse and mother she has been. He was particularly interested in the part of her nursing career when she taught nursing at Lewis-Clark State College. He asked if he could have the medical student, who was with him, listen to her heart because it was "classic" atrial fibrillation. They both listened to her heart with their stethescopes. Dr. Soffe looked at me and said "See, your mother is still teaching students even now." What a kind thing to say! I asked if I could listen to my mom's heart. He took off his stethescope, handed it to me and placed the end on my mom's heart. I could hear and feel my mom's heart pounding in my head. Her appearance is changing as her body fades, but I was able to feel so close to our mom through this kindness. Everyone who met our mother knew what an amazing heart she has- I have been fortunate enough to not only feel it all of my life, but hear it as well.
Posted by Peg
She's all Heart
Yesterday I met the Medical Director of the Hospice House, Dr. Soffe. He seemed to be a very kind, compassionate man and I felt very comfortable with him. He wanted to know about our mom- not just about the "patient". I told him what an amazing woman, nurse and mother she has been. He was particularly interested in the part of her nursing career when she taught nursing at Lewis-Clark State College. He asked if he could have the medical student, who was with him, listen to her heart because it was "classic" atrial fibrillation. They both listened to her heart with their stethescopes. Dr. Soffe looked at me and said "See, your mother is still teaching students even now." What a kind thing to say! I asked if I could listen to my mom's heart. He took off his stethescope, handed it to me and placed the end on my mom's heart. I could hear and feel my mom's heart pounding in my head. Her appearance is changing as her body fades, but I was able to feel so close to our mom through this kindness. Everyone who met our mother knew what an amazing heart she has- I have been fortunate enough to not only feel it all of my life, but hear it as well.
Posted by Peg
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Holding vigil
My sister, brother and I are taking turns holding vigil. Sometimes we're all here, and sometimes just one or two. We have been taking turns spending the night.
The night before last, which was Peg's night, my mother began having tremors. Peg called Bill and me, who were asleep at her house, thinking that Mom was about to pass away, so we drove over to the Hospice House to join her, so she wouldn't have to be alone. By the time we got there--this was at 3 am--the medications administered by the Hospice House staff had calmed Mom's tremors. Her breathing was still very labored, and there were long spells of 30-50 seconds when she didn't inhale (apnea), but she continued to hang on.
After a few hours, Peg went back to her house to try to sleep, while Bill and I did the best we could to rest while staying with Mom.
Last night, Bill stayed. Mom's breathing has become more regular and a lot more shallow. The breaths are not as loud as they have been for the past two days. This is a mixed blessing, because holding vigil while Mom's inhalations were so noisy was so, so sad that it made us almost crazy. Now that her inhalations are quieter, it is easier to believe that she is passing on peacefully. To be blunt, it is now easier to conceive of the process of dying as a spiritual transition, while yesterday, death seemed to be a cruel, tortuous mechanical failure.
From one perspective, the perspective of these past three weeks, my mother is not passing away quickly, but from the overview, as my Aunt Rose Van Dyk reminded me on the phone yesterday, Mom has been able to participate actively in life nearly up to the end. In just February, Mom, Peg, I, she and Mom's brother Uncle Adrian were all in Kaui'i, Hawaii, and Mom was pretty much keeping up with her daughters, doing everything that we did.
I think that's pretty much the ending Mom has hoped for herself: live actively, and then stop rather suddenly. She has made for herself a good, good life, I believe.
The night before last, which was Peg's night, my mother began having tremors. Peg called Bill and me, who were asleep at her house, thinking that Mom was about to pass away, so we drove over to the Hospice House to join her, so she wouldn't have to be alone. By the time we got there--this was at 3 am--the medications administered by the Hospice House staff had calmed Mom's tremors. Her breathing was still very labored, and there were long spells of 30-50 seconds when she didn't inhale (apnea), but she continued to hang on.
After a few hours, Peg went back to her house to try to sleep, while Bill and I did the best we could to rest while staying with Mom.
Last night, Bill stayed. Mom's breathing has become more regular and a lot more shallow. The breaths are not as loud as they have been for the past two days. This is a mixed blessing, because holding vigil while Mom's inhalations were so noisy was so, so sad that it made us almost crazy. Now that her inhalations are quieter, it is easier to believe that she is passing on peacefully. To be blunt, it is now easier to conceive of the process of dying as a spiritual transition, while yesterday, death seemed to be a cruel, tortuous mechanical failure.
From one perspective, the perspective of these past three weeks, my mother is not passing away quickly, but from the overview, as my Aunt Rose Van Dyk reminded me on the phone yesterday, Mom has been able to participate actively in life nearly up to the end. In just February, Mom, Peg, I, she and Mom's brother Uncle Adrian were all in Kaui'i, Hawaii, and Mom was pretty much keeping up with her daughters, doing everything that we did.
I think that's pretty much the ending Mom has hoped for herself: live actively, and then stop rather suddenly. She has made for herself a good, good life, I believe.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Such a strong body . . .
. . . that one breath very belatedly follows another.
I know that she is in no discomfort, but
I know that she is in no discomfort, but
As she lays dying . . .
Yesterday morning Mom was transported to Hospice House of Spokane to receive comfort care during her final hours or days.
Last night, Peg stayed with her and found it to be a very sad experience, for Mom, while still alive, has been unconscious since yesterday morning and is clearly in her final stages of life.
Bill and I joined Peg in the vigil at about 3 this morning because signs suggested that the end was near. But that ole' body that she took such good care of doesn't seem to want to finally wind down, in spite of herself.
Bill, Peg and I are each handling our mom's death in our own ways, but we're continuing to be supportive of one another. Living through this sad, sad time with them as my companions has given me a new level of admiration and love for each of them. Bill's sense of humor has continued to help relieve us of some stress, even as he struggles mightily with his own grief. Peg's wonderful sensitivity and understanding, coupled with her admirable professional expertise from years as a social worker make her the best resource a sister could possibly hope for in such a situation.
Mom has received many kindnesses from her other relatives and friends over these difficult two-and-a-half weeks--visits from Jim's sons and their families, gifts like a beautiful quilt made by a long-time friend and neighbor, and kind assistance with things like collecting the mail. There have been too many to mention.
The vigil continues, sadly, but will soon, we expect, come to an end.
Love to all on Rita's behalf.
Last night, Peg stayed with her and found it to be a very sad experience, for Mom, while still alive, has been unconscious since yesterday morning and is clearly in her final stages of life.
Bill and I joined Peg in the vigil at about 3 this morning because signs suggested that the end was near. But that ole' body that she took such good care of doesn't seem to want to finally wind down, in spite of herself.
Bill, Peg and I are each handling our mom's death in our own ways, but we're continuing to be supportive of one another. Living through this sad, sad time with them as my companions has given me a new level of admiration and love for each of them. Bill's sense of humor has continued to help relieve us of some stress, even as he struggles mightily with his own grief. Peg's wonderful sensitivity and understanding, coupled with her admirable professional expertise from years as a social worker make her the best resource a sister could possibly hope for in such a situation.
Mom has received many kindnesses from her other relatives and friends over these difficult two-and-a-half weeks--visits from Jim's sons and their families, gifts like a beautiful quilt made by a long-time friend and neighbor, and kind assistance with things like collecting the mail. There have been too many to mention.
The vigil continues, sadly, but will soon, we expect, come to an end.
Love to all on Rita's behalf.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
On her way
It's Tuesday morning. I spent the night at the hospital, as Bill did the night before and Peg the night before that.
In the mornings, she seems a bit more responsive, and we've been able to exchange "I love yous."
Just now, as I was typing, one of the nurses, Debbie, came in to check on mom as her shift waa beginning. She asked me how Mom was doing. I told her about our exchanges. Debbie agreed, "Yeah, she's still here. She's all here." I responded, "Yeah, and mom is probably thinking, 'Damn!" That made Mom smile.
The Hospice Staff is here completing paperwork for the transfer, which should happen any minute.
In the mornings, she seems a bit more responsive, and we've been able to exchange "I love yous."
Just now, as I was typing, one of the nurses, Debbie, came in to check on mom as her shift waa beginning. She asked me how Mom was doing. I told her about our exchanges. Debbie agreed, "Yeah, she's still here. She's all here." I responded, "Yeah, and mom is probably thinking, 'Damn!" That made Mom smile.
The Hospice Staff is here completing paperwork for the transfer, which should happen any minute.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Winding down slowly
Mom has been less and less responsive as the day has worn on, and her breathing has been more and more erratic. One characteristic of the process of dying is apnea, pauses in breathing that can last 30 seconds or more. These pauses don't necessarily mean that her breathing is about to stop. Nevertheless, it's distressing to hear it.
She is being very sensitively cared for and is medicated for pain. Of course, that may have something to do with the non-responsiveness. It's a difficult balance to strike between pain management and over-medication.
Peg talks with her about how she's just about to be joining Jim and that they're going fishing together again. Peg says she detects a slight smile when she says that. I said to her that I was going to miss her very, very much, and her forehead wrinkled. So at some level, she's still with us, even though her body is failing.
Tomorrow morning, she will be transported to Hospice House in Spokane.
Sorry not to be more informative, but it has been long day. What a long, strange trip it's been!
She is being very sensitively cared for and is medicated for pain. Of course, that may have something to do with the non-responsiveness. It's a difficult balance to strike between pain management and over-medication.
Peg talks with her about how she's just about to be joining Jim and that they're going fishing together again. Peg says she detects a slight smile when she says that. I said to her that I was going to miss her very, very much, and her forehead wrinkled. So at some level, she's still with us, even though her body is failing.
Tomorrow morning, she will be transported to Hospice House in Spokane.
Sorry not to be more informative, but it has been long day. What a long, strange trip it's been!
Winding down slowly
Mom has been less and less responsive as the day has worn on, and her breathing has been more and more erratic. One characteristic of the
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
